Oh it is Caroline's turn!

Oh it is Caroline's turn! I consider Caroline more of a best friend than a cousin. She gives the best advice, is the best listener, makes me laugh until my stomach hurts and I truly don't know what I would do without her. We also have SO much fun together and I am so excited to get down to Charleston with her. She is a triplet too and I am blessed to also have Andrew and Jamie in my life. We had just talked about "The Five Love Languages," this weekend and I really I am going to buy the book; maybe even on my kindle! Thank you Caroline for doing this, love you! 

During my 4 years as a Psychology and Health major at the College of Charleston; love and relationships was a topic of lecture in many of my courses. In many of these courses (i.e. Sexual Behavior and Relationships, Psychology of Personality) my Professors would discuss and even require students to read “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman.

 I’m the type of person who would rather be caught dead than reading a book on “finding love that lasts” in public and would rather discuss anyone and everyone’s feelings than my own. Although, I was pleasantly surprised with how interesting this book was and how absolutely anyone can relate to it. While this particular book focuses on married couples anyone in a relationship can relate to the material whether it’s with a significant other, friend, or even a family member.

Before getting into the Love Languages, Dr. Chapman begins by explaining that the need to feel love is a primary human emotional need. One major thing to note that is hard to hear at first is the fact that the euphoric “in love” experience is fiction not fact. The average life span of romantic obsession is two years and gradually the little traits that we overlooked while in love now become huge mountains. The main mistake that couples make is in thinking that this “in love” euphoric feeling will last a lifetime. We forget that by nature we are egocentric beings. The euphoria of this “in love” experience gives us the illusion that we are totally altruistic.

Before you think this is a depressing love hating rant you will be elated to know that there is hope after this euphoric love fades. After this obsessive love fades it is time to accept it for what it was (a temporary emotional high) and pursue “real love.” This love unites reason and emotion, takes work, and recognizes the need for personal growth. We all want to be with someone who chooses to love us because they see something in us worth loving. This real love can be found and maintained by discovering what you and your partners love languages are and learning how to make your partner feel loved by “speaking their language.”

1.       WORDS OF AFFIRMATION

•       Giving verbal compliments, encouraging words, kind words, humble wordsIf this is your love language there is nothing like hearing the reasons why your partner loves you, that you “look good in them jeans”, or that your partner loves how responsible you are etc. etc. The power of verbal affirmation really makes you feel loved.

2.       QUALITY TIME

•              Giving someone your complete and undivided attention.And no, sitting in the same room watching the same TV show does not count. You love the idea of having your partners focused attention even in a situation full of distraction, like a crowded restaurant or bar. Listening and participating in quality conversation is really important to you- this means no texting while talking! You could try pausing the game/sex and the city and go grab dinner, or just genuinely listen to how your partners day was- no distractions.

3.       RECEIVING GIFTS

• At first glance “gifts” may appear to be a bit of a shallow love language. In reality this includes simple gestures as simple as a handmade gift or your partners’ favorite candy bar from the gas station. Those who speak this love language appreciate the effort and thoughtfulness behind the gift regardless of how small and inexpensive.

4.       ACTS OF KINDNESS-

•       Doing things that you know your spouse would like you to do without them having to ask.My mom always said “No woman ever shot a man while he was doing dishes.” I think that is a perfect example of how small gestures of service make those who speak this language feel loved. Examples are simple things around the house like washing the car, taking out the trash, or even volunteering to pick up take-out.

5.       PHYSICAL TOUCH

•       This love language is self explanatory but not all about the birds and the bees. If you didn’t grow up in a touchy family but this is your partners love language start slow. Even something simple like holding hands or a quick back rub in passing can make your partner feel loved.

So what are your primary love languages?

 Take the quiz at http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/

Here are my scores, a little all across the board if you ask me! No gifts for Haley ha-ha! :) 
 

Your Scores

8	Words of Affirmation
7	Quality Time
0	Receiving Gifts
7	Acts of Service
8	Physical Touch